Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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